Recently I have been completely fixated in an inner battle of what I want to be for the rest of my life. I have always wanted to be a doctor, honestly it has to be one of my very first memories. It has become part of my identity. I have always been quite a nurturing person, which I think lends right to such an occupation. So it makes sense that as I have begun to question following my life long dream, I have had many problems making any type of decisions about my future.
In the consideration of many other occupations, I have begun to feel almost as if I am drowning. I am drowning in a world full of opportunities and from bird's eye view, that seems like quite a nice problem to have, however it from my point of view it seems as though the walls are closing in on me and I am left wallowing in all of these crazy decisions that will affect the rest of my life. Normally, I feel as though I accept defeat well. I know and can accept my weaknesses and I am quick to get over those types of things typically. However, I am quite literally stuck on this and so I have to assume that the world in which I have grown up in has something to do with my figurative state of mind.
The thing is, no one ever told me that I should be a doctor. I was never attracted to the idea with visions of money. There was just always something in me that was so attracted to the medical field. As a child, most of my punishments had some correlation with being caught watching surgery on the discovery life channel. Which is quite the opposite of what one would expect from a young child. However, in recent years I have begun to doubt my life long dream. Maybe its the intense amount of work that has scared me away or the intensity of the student body or just the intensity of it all in general (I don't work well with intensity). However, should I really give up something that is so tied to my identity just out of fear? I really am not sure. I do know one thing. I find this to be such a big dilemma because I never want to be disappointed in myself in the future. I don't want to look back and look at my accomplishments as failures. I don't want to fall into some rogue job that will never fulfill my search for happiness and most of all I don't want to change the dreams in which my entire identity has been built upon.
So I want to leave this post open. I hope that this prompts you all to look deep within yourselves and find closure in similar choices. I think a huge component of our individual happiness is living life in the moment as opposed to the future. So should I leave these choices to the universe with the hope that everything will turn out alright in the end? Or should I focus on the future and focus on making the right choices today in order to ensure myself happiness in the future? I'll leave this question up to you. What would you do?
I understand exactly where you are coming from. It really is hard being a college student because between the studying and running from class to class you are supposed to be making these big decisions that shape your life and this can get tough because sometimes I don't even match my socks in the morning. I think that you should just feel out other options that interest you and don't make any big decisions out of just wanting to decide. It will come to you! I'm a huge believer in everything happening for a reason.
ReplyDeleteI had that feeling at the end of high school. Going into college undecided seemed like the most horrific thing in the world to my classmates, so there was a lot of pressure to just start making stuff up about what I wanted to do. I think it's really important to take a break and think about what you enjoy doing, or what you're interested in. For instance, my passion for reading is what led me to become a Comp Lit major, and my fascination with Japan led to a Japanese major. So, as long as you're passionate about something, you can't let these crazy amounts of opportunities broadside you. There are plenty of opportunities built around specific career paths or interests, so those should be the ones you focus on.
ReplyDeleteOf course, sometimes other people know us better than ourselves. If you find yourself drifting towards a field that makes everyone look at you like you're crazy, it might not be the right field.
Similarly, I too find myself constantly thinking about which field I want to pursue. If I were that passionate about a career for so long in my life, I would have to go through with it. It would be very difficult to turn away from a nearly lifelong dream right as you are starting to get your hands around it.
ReplyDeleteI find this to be extremely relatable. I too have struggled with this. When I came to college I had a set plan, but A LOT changes in college. Sometimes its best to let the dust settle before making huge decisions like this.
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